I began this blog last Summer for something to put on my resume, but I blurred the lines between what’s professional and “too personal,” so when it came time to make a professional resume, I decided to not include the hyperlink to this page on it.
To be perfectly honest, this post doesn’t even have a specific point to prove or agenda. I’m literally sitting in my apartment above Cafe 210 in downtown State College, blasting “Waking Up to Love” by Shanna Crooks and free-writing. Disclaimer: it probably will most likely just be me blabbing about myself, but I’ll sparkle it with linguistically beautiful words and sophisticated literary and scientific language that you can lose yourself in.
I recently noticed how often I have a difficult time understanding what’s appropriate or not appropriate. Take personal space, for example. I’m good with giving people personal physical space, but not personal space with regards to their possessions. I never had a “don’t-touch-that-because-it’s-mine” attitude. Some people do; some people don’t, and it’s all okay. The scared little child piece of my soul fears judgement from others, and it warns you all to see that my delayed understanding of appropriate behavior is not in any way malicious or aggressive, but is just slow to warm up.
As I listen to this song with the following lyrics attached to it, I can’t help but think about the last time I was truly myself– when I was 16, it was spring time, and everyone around me was spiritually connected because they were helping me recover from nutritional entropy (does anyone get the Bo Burnham reference? 😛 ).
“Well, it’s time for a change/
Throwing all those sad, sad songs away
Today
I won’t let the sunshine go to waste no way, No
‘Cause I can feel my heart beating for the very first time
Everything around me starts falling in line
I feel alive, so alive
I just can’t hide.
But something changed me, changed me, changed me
‘Cause lately, lately, lately I’ve been
Waking up to love
Every morning I’ve been
Waking up to love”
Springtime had always been my favorite because of the relative prevalence of warmth and sunshine in South/Midwest Pennsylvania. It brought the bright colors of the flower form of the Chaenomeles shrub that grew in my parents’ backyard; a type of hot pink with a hint of coral. I admit, pink is my all-time favorite color 🙂
Lol, I’d apologize there’s no point to this post– but I already forewarned you! 😛 But, my stomach started growling (so cool, right)? For those of y’all who don’t understand the “cool” reference, I’m alluding to the fact that my satiety signals are properly functioning, because struggling with an eating disorder for 10 years screws up the instant messaging between the brain and the stomach. That instant messaging system is what causes the “growling” in your stomach, which also stimulates appetite. AKA I’m hooongry and free Qdoba is downstairs.
Peace out, nerd scouts!
Marilee Fritsch 