Taken from my “Development Through the Lifespan” text by Laura E. Berks
“I wish my thighs didn’t touch”
Many of us dying to lose weight (especially those with anorexia nervosa) will have images in their heads of bodies they wish they had. They include but are not limited to:
- visible collar bones
- thighs that don’t touch
- no love handles
- visible hip bones
I know, I’ve been there.
I remember being in therapy telling my therapist that I thought that if my thighs touched, it meant I was fat. She explained to me that thighs touching isn’t an indicator of fattness; even people who are healthy weights may have thighs that touch. There are so many different body types. The likelihood of your thighs touching depends on several things, like your bone structure and musculature. It is not an indicator of “being fat”
I’m writing this post because I hear and see comments like this more often than I should: People wishing that you could see their ribs, wishing their hip bones popped out or that their collarbones were prominent.
A person’s drive for weight loss should be solely for improving one’s health.
For those of you who diet or try to lose weight to achieve that “thin” look I described above, I have news for you: You will never reach it. Why? Because enough is never enough. You will never be satisfied. Your collarbones will never be visible enough for your liking. Your hips will never be prominent enough, your thighs will never be too thin. And these standards aren’t those that other people hold upon you. You’re already beautiful the way you are. These are standards and images you seek to obtain yourself.
Please, learn to love yourself for how you are now. If you catch yourself thinking that you will not be beautiful or attractive until you achieve a certain look, please talk to someone. I don’t want to see anyone heading down the dark path that I got trapped in.
As always, you can always use me as a resource>
I’m here to help, always.
Love,
Marilee
marilee.fritsch@gmail.com
The photos in this post were taken from Happy Valley Magazine, Penn State University
Running for Freedom
Not gonna lie, today I woke up tired, annoyed, worn out, and exhausted. I also really wasn’t looking forward to working on a holiday. Regardless, I went on a run after work anyway. (The hardest part is always the first five minutes).
I originally planned on walking the whole distance, but then “The Ghost of Tom Joad” by RATM came on my mp3 player, and it got me thinking about freedom of all types. I thought about financial freedom, and how hard it is for some people to earn enough money to live without sacrificing their morals or priorities.
I thought about mental freedom, and how some of us are destroying ourselves from our own thoughts or worries.
I thought about freedom of judgement and the pursuit of happiness. I wish everyone could feel comfortable enough to do what makes them happy (truly happy– not abusing drugs or alcohol, that brings temporary pleasure, not lasting happiness, in my opinion) without fear of someone else tearing them down/
I thought about the freedom of kids being able to go to school and not have to worry about being bullied. About the freedom of being able to lay one’s head at night in a place where they feel safe from verbal abuse, safe from neglect, safe from fighting, insults, and yelling. Safe from someone telling them they won’t amount to anything.
I thought about adults who are still struggling to get their lives together. The homeless on the streets. You don’t know what they’ve gone through, you don’t know what they’re still going through, and you don’t know how many times they’ve been kicked when they were already down. You don’t know if they’ve ever had that person to tell them that they are worth something. And that means everything.
I thought about the freedom from sexual violence and the proceeding mental anguish. The fact that no one deserves to be forced to take their clothes off or engage in any activity that isn’t loving, comfortable or consensual.
I thought about running so fast that I could eradicate this pain from everyone’s existence.
Skim Milk Is Healthier than Whole Milk, Right? Maybe Not
I’ve been telling people that milk is overrated… here’s evidence to back me up!
Nothing is good…
Nothing is good or bad; it just is. Any item, person, event, or experience is only as good or bad as you perceive them to be
Sleep, Stress and Overeating
Here we go, a post related to what I’m actually studying!
I know I write a lot about mood, but our lifestyle factors (attitude, sleep, exercise, and nutrition) definitely have an impact on how we feel, act, and portray ourselves!
Recent research done by Harvard Medical School actually did a study on sleep and weight gain. To make a long story short, those who don’t get enough sleep make poor food decisions; they opt for high-calorie, low-nutrient foods, and they overeat.
I can personally attest to this finding. When I don’t get enough sleep, I’m grumpy, and I feel the need to eat to increase my energy. As a result, I feel stressed, then I turn to food. Then I over eat, gain weight, and the cycle repeats.
In contrast, when I get a full night’s sleep, I’m more energetic, productive, and likely to make better choices regarding food, and I feel as though I get more from my work outs.
The best way for me to see this is by keeping a food journal. Writing down what you’re eating makes you more aware of what you’re putting in your mouth, so you think more about what and how much you’re eating. In my food journal, I write down the following:
Time
Mood & energy level
Food item & quantity (drinks included)
Calorie content
So, an example would look like this:
6/29/13 2:26pm
feeling sleepy, annoyed. Somewhat tired.
2 cups of coffee with 2% milk (~50cal), 5 small pretzels (60), 1 tbsp natural peanut butter (100)
Total calories: 210
The more detailed your logs are, the more it will help you! I also recommend keeping a log of how you sleep, and an exercise journal. That way you can see how your lifestyle choices affect your mood, and you can make changes from there to create a more productive and fulfilling life for yourself 🙂
Every human has an inner child.
learn to nurture the child within yourself before you rely on others to do it for you.
Finding Success and Avoiding Failure
Perfect analogy… love it. Finding success can be hard, I know, but that doesn’t mean you stop trying!!!
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Is your life a success or a failure?
Why is success so elusive and failure so common? Success should be easy, pick a destination aim for it, go as hard as you can and you should get there. Right? It is not that easy.
No one has ever come for therapy telling me they are too successful. Lots of people tell me they feel their life is a failure. Apparently finding successes is a whole lot more difficult than just pointing your life in a direction and staying on track.
Success is about reaching your goal.
Success is also about the way you take the trip of life. Navigating life reminds me of taking a drive on an unfamiliar windy mountain road in a driving rain. You can’t see very far ahead and the road keeps changing direction. Add a little…
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Age is a state of mind
I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “Oh, I can’t do that– I’m too old.”
Excuse me? Too old? You are never too old to improve your health. Not only is the scientific proof, but I’ve seen it happen, both in my personal life and my professional life.
My Godmother, my aunt, just turned 60 last week. She drives, teaches yoga, is in the process of fixing up and selling her house, has 4 grandkids that she takes care of and plays with, she dances (many different types of dance, may I add) and she still finds time for fun, and herself. One of her yoga clients is a 73-year-old woman who was previously on oxygen. After training and meditating with my aunt, she no longer needs oxygen. When she talked to her doctor about this, she said, “I don’t need oxygen anymore, because Marlene (my godmother) taught me how to breathe.” Oh, and my aunt is a breast cancer survivor who has been in remission for 15 years. She also is extremely independent– she’s single and doesn’t feel the need to search for a new man.
Her sister, another one of my aunts, just turned 63 and is also still in control of her life. Her husband suffered a stroke, and she lost her oldest son a few years ago. Does she choose to sit in her house and let her health fall to pieces? No, she doesn’t. She still takes care of herself, her house, her yard and spends time with her two granddaughters. She looks fabulous, and she still smiles and laughs.
Growing older is absolutely NO excuse to stop taking care of yourself. If anything, it’s an opportunity to illustrate how incredibly resilient humans are.
At the personal care home where I work, we had our 3rd annual “Senior Prom.” The seniors dressed up in suits and dressed, were served h’ors deuvres and they danced. Many of them had the thought in their heads that “they’re too old to dance.” Many of them were in wheelchairs. Did they dance? Of course they did! They didn’t get out of their chairs, but that’s no excuse to not dance and have a good time! I danced with a few of the residents who were on foot and one woman kept saying to me, “I don’t know how to dance!” Just because you don’t know dance steps, doesn’t mean you can’t dance! I feel like dance was created to express yourself and just move to music. Maybe it’s off beat a little bit, but who cares!
You are never too old to improve your health, dance, or have fun. Health and happiness is for anyone of any age. It takes effort and change to improve your current state of health and happiness, but it certainly is possible.
The power of listening
As humans, we all want someone to listen to us. How many of you say something to someone and you don’t get a response, or feel as if the other person wasn’t listening at all? How many of us have someone ask us, “How are you?” and you just say, “good” or “fine” because you feel like the other person won’t listen and doesn’t want to hear about how you actually are?
I’m sure many of you have been there.
Yesterday at work, I was watching Dr. Phil on one of the televisions in the dining room and the particular episode, I’ll admit, brought tears to my eyes. Of course, right after this happens, a woman sits at one of my tables.
I brought her a menu and apologized for the tears and I explained I was watching Dr. Phil and she understood. Next thing I know this woman, about 50 years old, well-dressed, petite, and very pretty started opening up to me about her life– the things that stressed her out, her hardships, and the things that were going well. Turns out this woman has a son who is a drug addict who is unwilling to get help and lives in an apartment in which her landlord stalks and harasses her.
By looking at this woman, you never would have guessed she had problems like this. She dressed very professionally, was very soft-spoken, yet she spoke with an assertive tone. It was clear to me that this woman was a fighter. During her rants on the landlord, she mentioned that she and the guy used to be friends and that when he’s not drinking, she helps him out and is friendly towards him. She also mentioned that she had to distance herself from her son because after years of tearing herself apart and trying to get him to change, she had to realize she’s done all she could and the change he has to make is up to him.
My response to the woman, “That’s the downside of being a genuine person. You care about people, and they take your kindness and don’t reciprocate it. Yet we stay kind and true to ourselves.”
She agreed and said something along the lines of, “But then there’s assholes out there too. I guess the world needs genuine people to balance all of that out.”
It’s funny how much you can learn about people if you just listen. Listening is free and easy. I feel like some people are afraid of listening to others because they think it means they need to solve the other person’s problems. That’s not it at all. The purpose of listening is just that, to listen. It’s showing someone that they are worth a few minutes of your time. All you need to do is stop what you’re doing, and listen.
I realize my posts lately haven’t been nutrition-related. But since I’m passionate about nutrition, I can relate anything to it.
Listening can happen anytime, anywhere. But I feel like one of the best times to listen to someone is over a nourishing meal. Many of us eat mindlessly (yes, I do too, I understand). I personally am guilty of eating over the sink when I’m in a rush to get somewhere. I understand we lead busy lives. But taking the time to sit down and eat and nourish your body with someone else, you can both benefit. Each of you can converse, listen, and laugh while simultaneously nourishing your bodies. Plus, humans are wired to enjoy eating, so why not share the experience with someone?! In addition to that, studies show that eating with someone else force you to eat more slowly, so that your body can take the time it needs to signal your brain when you are full… and this usually leads to eating less 🙂
I apologize for the bland writing style of this post. I worked until 1 am last night and I guess my brain is still kind of asleep, haha.
Marilee Fritsch 